Appassionatto

2010-11-29T13:28:00.001+08:00

I want to do a million things after exams! But I think I have another million things waiting for me to do! Aha how.

2010-09-25T12:17:00.002+08:00

I think that when two persons carve out their shape in each others' hearts, and firmly ensconce themselves in that perfect space, its a lovely miracle borne out of God, who is love.

2010-04-01T14:55:00.000+08:00

禱告，因為我渺小；
禱告，因為我知道我需要明暸，你心意對我重要。
禱告，已假裝不了；
禱告，因為你的愛我需要；你關懷，我走過的你都明白。

有些事我只想要對你說，
因你比任何人都愛我；
痛苦從眼中流下，
我知道你為我擦。
在早晨我也要來對你說，
主耶穌今天我為你活；
所需要的力量你天天賜給我，
你恩典夠我用。

2010-01-27T22:30:00.002+08:00

Even if romance ran out of rhyme...

WA. So many things happened in Project Serve I don't have the energy to blog about it. Everyone's falling sick!!! Please get wellll okay!!! People like Airika, YuenTeng... *I got sent home on Monday* : ((( This week is so long! ANd so busy! In a good way I guess...

Hellllo brother! Are you doing okay over there? I wonder if you got my smses.. haha. COme back sooon! >.<

I want to hide out at the library for an entire day and just read.
I want to take a picnic mat and spread it out on some grassy patch and star/cloud-gaze.
I would very much like a huggg<3

2010-01-09T21:29:00.003+08:00

Hi Joyce.

I feel a bit self-conscious blogging now because I know you'll read it haha. I thought about what you said. About mature love. And came to the conclusion that I must still be a child. I'm sure you know, that when you love too easily, you hurt easily too. And it happens time and time again, until I begin to dread loving. I wonder if my love changes everytime. It may shrink a little after every betrayal, curl up on itself in the face of disappointment, or perhaps lower itself when it hopes too high. And after every time I tell myself it's the last time that I'll ever love so much, and I know that I'm lying to myself. It's difficult to let go, but I'm learning.

I wonder how God feels... loving us with his amazing and unconditional love, while there are some of us who do not love him, some of us who try to love him, some who betray him repeatedly, hurt him, make him angry and disappointed, some who even pretend he does not exist. Are we any different from the Israelites, turning away from him even after being chosen by his grace?

Honestly it seems easier to love God than the people around us. It hurts less at least. It may be a different kind of love I suppose - between creation and its Creator, the love of a family, the love between best friends.

I don't want to love anymore Joyce. : ( But I know its a lie. I'll just fall in love and in love and in love every single stupid time. Maybe I'll tie a lifeline around myself so that I don't fall too hard and too deeply, till the point I cannot climb out of this pit lined with roses. I may attach this line to God, so that if one day my heart is in my pocket, cold and impenetratable, God's love will burn a slow fire and warm it again so that my heart will hurt and begin to love again.

2010-01-07T20:53:00.002+08:00

A wasted life is one when it is not fully lived as designed and intended by God.
An unwasted life is a life that has been given over to God's purpose and bears much fruit for the kingdom of God.

Project Serve kind of officially started today after the camp! : ) It's so exciting! Thinking of ways to share the gospel is kinda scary but I can't help but feel a sense of anticipation and eagerness. Which might slide into despair after the actual carrying out but I can't help but feel hopeful! And I like working with my peers like Airika, Joyce, Christine, Angeline, Jason, Raphael, Nat, BJ (even though she spells doom for me still) It's like I've found an environment where I can be completely at ease in. Having people around you that share the same values and vision is really inspiring because we all know that we're not alone in this race!

Oh and I must testify to God's goodness! Last night, I was praying for someone to talk to, because something happened during camp that really distressed me... I was struggling trying to distinguish between right and wrong. AND THANK GOD MARISSA YEE CALLED. I love you loads man! I got such a shock when I saw the caller id on my phone show up "Marissa's house" And it's really amazing because I haven't spoken to her in like one and a half months and she suddenly randomly calls me up! Catching up with her was really niceee Mars are you reading this now??? I'm really grateful for you as a friend thank you so much for listening to me and giving me advice! And you're really convincing and encouraging, really a friend in need. ARE YOU READING THIS I LOVE YOUUU! :))) We must meet up soon okay! I know my schedule already!

Oh and I thank God that I am getting better at letting go... I think what another sister in Christ said is very true. If I love more, and focus on God more, I spend less of myself thinking and reflecting on past issues. I'm going to write my project serve letter now! Some of you will receive it soon!

Mission Trip (in no order haha)

2009-12-30T22:50:00.005+08:00

I think I've found the person who I want to lose my first kiss to. His name is William, or Willy for short. I miss him already!!! I think the last four days were the happiest ones in my entire year. Seriously, I think I'm suffering from depression now. I miss the kids in Batam so, so, so badly. I am definitely going back.

I really thank God for sustaining me through the trip because I was sick almost the entire time, with my sore throat, running nose, and fever on and off. Everyone was very understanding and kind, especially Felicia, Joyce, Sarah and Derek who provided me with an endless supply of panadol and other medication, and even Boon Jin who practically ordered me to lie down and sleep, much to my dismay.

I was the pianist for singspiration, and I really think that I'm the happiest when I'm playing for kids. Because even though the kids didn't understand english (some can barely read it and Joy to the World was our theme song?!), they did all the actions with such gusto and sang the best they could. I'm really always so amazed by how children can sing with all their hearts. OH and they have a coool piano there! It's so out of tune, its out of tune by a whole semitone! Whee! I had so much fun playing it and all my songs came out in a different key from what I expected!!! And Boon Jin is really really really really really good pianist ahh envyyyyy.

Oh I must talk about this song that they sang! It's called "Telephone to Jesus" and it starts with the kids saying "Ringring! Ringring!" then they pick up the imaginary phone and sing "Telephone to Jesus" four times, before pausing and saying HELLO! It's too cute for words!!! Then the next stanza is "Jesus says I love you" hahahaha Imagine Jesus calling you to say he loves you!

Another fun song was "Stand up and shout" because we were having so much fun coming up with the random actions for it! Qiu Ying has a really good voice, like with natural vibrations! We had stand up and shout, sit down and whisper, and hi-five your friend! I think the kids love it really! And when you ask them whether they love Jesus.. something like "cinta Yesus?" they all put up their hands!!!

We also performed a skit about the nativity story; I was one of the magus. Mary(QiuYing) had to appear pregnant on the stage, then quickly un-pregnant herself and place her baby (jacket stuffed under her shirt) into the manger. Hahaha. The kids were not fooled.

Sarah and I were in charge of music enrichment, which included singing and teaching of recorder playing, especially with their presentation tomorrow! The primary 1-3 kids were simply adorableeeeee, but the moment we handed out recorders it was utter chaos. I found myself shouting "Diam" and "Jengan Tube" in an attempt to control the class, which often did not work... but they look TOO CUTE BLOWING THE RECORDERS AS HARD AS THEY CAN. I often left the class with the sound of recorders ringing in my ears. The primary 4-6 kids were of course much better, though our attempts at canon were mostly driven by competitive spirit so any sort of harmony was of course abandoned. The girls, who were more musically inclined, could play "Jesus loves me", while the boys were relegated to "Mary had a little lamb" I miss scolding them, chiding the boys for blowing when I was talking, laughing at them when their recorders squeaked despite their best attempts to control their breaths. ANd Sarah and I have formed a fanclub for Kevin - WHO IS A HAMSTER DISGUISED AS A BOY - too cute for words!!! His friends have started calling him mouseboy haha oh dear.

Together with Nat, I took several girls for discussion about Bridge to Life - Sally, NorthAuntie (it's not spelt this way but I pronounce it like that), Lifiliah, Christine (incredibly exotic looking) and Siska. I was speaking to them in broken Indonesian and Chinese and much pointing before the teacher informed me that they could understand basic english haha. They are all Christians, but some like Sally are from non-Christian families so it's great that their parents allow them to come to church! I wish I had more time to talk to them about the bible.

When we visited the orphanage the church supported, Sarah and I were super pleased with their immediate success at playing the recorders, which was mostly because they were older I think. The visit was really enjoyable, especially the games and our skit, because it was initially aimed at the younger kids in church haha. EVeryone enjoys SPLAT hahahaha I think I screamed into the poor boy's ears beside me eeks. Apologised to him afterwards heh "Maaf"

The last day, we did a detour to the shelter home, where Willy, whose parents are divorced, dragged me into his room to show me where he sleeps! He shares a lower bunk with Junta, but later Raphael said that the room stank because the older boy smokes - which I apparently failed to detect because of my blocked nose! Kezia, an extremely adorable girl, but of course, quite spoiled, demands that we take pictures with her haha. Sometimes I pretend to not understand her. :p They performed this really cuteeee song that had them hopping to their left and their right together!!!! They live in a really village-like area, but thank God that the home is quite well equipped and all. But sometimes when I play with the kids, I find it difficult to believe that they are orphans, or missing one parent, because they are always smiling and having fun, which is more than what I can say for others.

OH I LOVE HOW KIDS CAN HAVE SO MUCH FUN AT JUST SCISSORS PAPER STONE. It's too incredibly mind-boggling. They queue up in two lines and take turns to play scissors paper stone with each other and all the mission troopers were simply amazed at how much they enjoyed themselves at such a simple game that we joined them and had so much fun too! It was one of our impromptu mass games. They love SPLAT too. Hahaha. I think they can play it all day.

Devotions were led by Derek and Sherlyn, which were more like mini sermons really. Heh. Derek talked about having a vision (Jonah) that is aligned with God's vision, and single-mindedness to that vision (Jeremiah) The lesson was good, and I liked the questions raised which included why the book of Jonah does not reveal the outcome of Jonah. Sherlyn talked about denying self, taking up the cross and following Jesus, and Boon Jin of course, being the usual difficult person during discussion, cited it as a lofty aim. We hear it very often, but as to whether it impacts of transforms our lives is another matter altogether. I wonder how Project Serve is going to shape my life and my mindset ho ho ho.

Craving a cheeseburger. Now!

I just wanna be a sheep

2009-12-25T21:35:00.003+08:00

I just wanna be a sheep
So I can follow my shepherd
Wherever he goes, his path my feet will tread
Step by step up the hills
Past quiet waters and pastures
His rod and staff, they comfort me
I am his sheep
And the Lord is my shepherd

Now if I were a sheep
I could creep into that stable
That special one with that special star
For the birth of that special babe
Just maybe I could snuggle
Beside him whilst he slumber
Oh what an honour it would be
To rest my head at my Saviour's feet

But I am not a sheep
God didn't make me one
He made me in his image instead
To live my life out as His child
To love, to cry, to rejoice
To feel as He does
And then join Him in heaven
Where I can truly be a sheep to my shepherd

2009-12-22T22:34:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to love anymore.
How do I love if I'm the only one loving?

2009-11-30T23:41:00.004+08:00

My hiccups are amazing. They are incredibly powerful, causing me to emit a high-pitched yelp, which exhausts me utterly. I AM STILL HICCUPING oh helpppp!!! My hiccups are rare but when they come they refuse to go away -.- And they make me pant afterward. sigh.

My dad: Veraaa (in exasperation)
Me: I can't help it!!! *hiccup*

Oh i got my dress already fishy!!! Bernice and Ellie helped me : ) loves. All the best looking for yours!!! YOu'll look nice in anything la. I can try on thirteen million dresses and still not find my dream dress - which must have sleeves and is the most romantic shade of cosmopolitan berry or dark turquoise. Hahaha.

Just played badminton with my pet! :D And I kind of learnt how to pick up shuttles using my racquet. Ho ho ho. Tomorrow playing again!!! I shall try my best to get out of swimming!

I feel tired just thinking about everything that's coming up! But I'm excited at the same time!!! Camp, prom (during which I shall be sunburnt and pimpled), hongkong (everyone is going hongkong! deborah hannah yien yiling rachel jillian), lessons of carols, everything!!! Ahahahaha this period is very very very fun indeed! Dear God please help me to glorify you in everything I do...

I'm still hiccuping at the end of this post. And ernest is starting to imitate me. How annoyinggggggggg haha

2009-11-27T09:40:00.003+08:00

Really happy now~ :D

I quite like this day by day enjoyment - everyday I have something wonderful to do with my favourite people!!! (except broAHEM at the rate we're smsing we can just meet virtually instead) I watched Red Cliff, Slumdog Millionaire and Sweeny Todd yesterday!!! I really liked the music of Sweeny Todd Marissa!!! It was simply marvelous, especially the pretty women one! But Liqun and I watched it on small screen player so we blocked the screen with a pillow everytime Todd was about to slit a throat -.- We got caught offguard by one killing though!

And and and can I fangirl Zhu-ge Liang in Red Cliff! Apparently he's mixed that's why he still looks quite good with a moustache. But guys should really never have moustaches... I wonder if they have to shampoo it when they bathe. Oh but some of the battle tactics are really quite cool like the tortoise one! Slumdog Millionaire was quite sad because I realised some of the things in the movie were actually happening in real life, like the syndicate which makes use of child beggars and the religious fanatics...

Backtrack a bit. Went shopping with Noreen and Chng and and and we walked so many rounds in Marina Square their MRT signs are so terribly misleading!!! : ( I bet it's some ploy to make shoppers walk past all the shops on their way home -.- Except if you follow the signs you will never actually manage to get out!!! And I realised Noreen likes a lot of experimental stuff, what with her snake coiling sandals and vintage inclinations. Still haven't found a dress for prom though should I really bother since I'm broke, I still have dresses in the cupboard, and I'm so hideous anyway no dress can make me look nice! Hahahahaa. Oh and Chng lost her wallet but it was the most calm kind of lose-my-wallet cause we didn't really panic and just walked back to the shop where the very nice guy gave us the wallet he or someone else found in the dressing room wow this sentence is long I wonder if reading it mentally is tiring too! hahaha. Thank God :D

Shopping with ellie and bernice now! :) Need to pack my room before I leave the house!!! : (

rant

2009-11-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

I AM SO ANNOYED. Quite. So now I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't really like myself like this. Stupidly obsessive and selfish. And I hate sharing. And these kind of feelings aren't good or kind yes I know. And brother hasn't called... So I feel even more oe5i hstd#35&90wuy

I think one day I will learn not to care. As in not not care, but at least mantain a facade of indifference. What is wrong with me sigh. I don't think this is how God would have wanted it to turn out.

At least A levels are ending. And I guess some people aren't worth keeping as friends.

2009-10-24T23:41:00.002+08:00

I'm going to be an expert on hugs in heaven! People can all come to me for hugs and advice on hugs! Hugs from Jesus would be like the ULTIMATE HUG. Oh man, will I be able to...

Is heaven hug paradise? When people feel sad and discouraged maybe there will always be someone - not just to hug, but someone who will hug you. But then in heaven there's no way no no no way that you'll ever feel a little teeny bit of sadness or hurt unlike all the horrible unkindness on earth. And you won't have to worry about hugging the opposite gender because all those kind of things aren't important anymore. But then if we're like balls of light hugging might be a bit difficult... BUT we probably won't be. Haha.

And hugs in heaven would be like real, genuine, the kind of love-never-fails hug. Maybe now you can hug someone or be hugged but yet still hurt or be hurt by that someone, because we're all imperfect. So 'heaven hugs' are the true kind of hugs! And hugs given by Jesus will be the most special kind because I'm sure that when Jesus hugs me, I'll melt with love. Seriously.

2009-10-19T22:12:00.002+08:00

I was reading Alan's blog... about his love for his mother, and it got me thinking about love. I guess maybe people do see it in differently, or maybe there are different types of love for them. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not anger. It does not boast. Love never fails. Love is a lifelong commitment. Love is unconditional. Love is giving without taking. Without expecting anything in return. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Love is Jesus Christ. And I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2009-10-15T20:12:00.002+08:00

I now walk like a model. You know that awkward, somewhat rhythmic gait they adopt? Or maybe it's just my own special style. At least they don't suffer from the horrible muscle aches that plague me every single blasted time I hobble down a step. BUT HEY I RAN 3KM consecutively for the last two days! Which is more exercise than I've done in since, PE lessons.

My throat is part of the campaign to frustrate Vera to death too. My family members are probably the ringleaders, as they polish off the sticks of Dove chocolate and Ghirardelli mint chocolate right in front of me, leaving me but no choice but to throw my lot in with them.

And on a side note, I absolutely extremely utterly entirely consummately dislike people who dao smses (stab myself) or do NOT tell people anything. May a herd of hippopotami sit and SQUASH YOU into pancakes that they can eat for breakfast with Canadian maple syrup.

2009-10-12T17:06:00.003+08:00

I lost something important last week! :( I'm so very sorry.

And I finished packing up my cupboard today. Finally. Undoubtedly, my mom is even more relieved than I am. No more opening my cupboard to find soft missiles homing in on innocent individuals. Though packing it was a a cathartic process; those who study Beloved know that healing processes are often filled with pain and trauma. My mother was perplexed as to why I stubbornly refused to wear certain blouses more than once or twice, or I didn't at all. Haha sigh. OKAY. Anyway more than half my cupboard is filled with her outfits.

I'm not thinking at all. Are you?

2009-10-08T23:38:00.003+08:00

One is definitely focussing too much on studies when one finds oneself arranging one's schedule around the A levels. !!!!!!!!!!! After As is going to be a very exciting period!!! YZ camp, prom, HongKong, Christmas, syfc mission trip!!! :))) And then I haven't decided whether to join project serve or the MOE internship... and I need to decide soon!

HOHO. And guitar lessons. (WX/brother!) Maybe cooking? (Yonghui do you still want to?!) I want to fall asleep everyday with a fantasy book in bed. NOT my notes! Better not fall asleep reading the bible haha. And DG outing can we go out of the country please please please please please? s l e e p o v e r!

2009-10-07T01:29:00.003+08:00

Jillian said to hope in God for our future instead of things like grades.
How come its so much simpler to encourage others than to encourage oneself?

2009-10-01T01:37:00.003+08:00

Don't have to walk a million miles to find You
Don't have to sail around the world to see
'Cause every time I lift my heart to praise You
There You are right next to me

Heehee. How odd that we should sing or pray for God to draw close to us, when He is ALWAYS in our hearts! Imagine the awesomeness (thanks hannah) of God that He can hear us no matter where we are or how soft our prayers are. I guess the footprints guy didn't realize that initially.
For a brother who marched 32km - God was with you every step of the way!!!
For a sister who is doing her powerpoint assignments - God's love is very very deep indeed!!!

hug pillars! <3

2009-09-24T23:32:00.002+08:00

I have just thought of the brilliantest idea ever!!!

HUG PILLARS! :)

Oh man, sometimes I amaze myself. Just imagine... a pillar in the room, be it the nursery, the bedroom, the living room... Just for hugging!!! And it can even be customized according to how you like your hugs! If you like soft hugs, the pillar can be lined with velvety soft goodness, or like squishy material so you can like hug it to bits! If you like sturdier hugs, it can take on more of a structure I guess. (But I like my hugs the squash kind haha) And it can even be fitted to your height, and the circumference of your arms so that your hug can be made comfortable in every way!

Oh oh oh! And a hug pillar totally needs a heater! So that when you hug it, you feel warm! Ha! Hugs should totally be sources of love and 'warmth' And when you feel cold, you can hug it for extra cozyness! They can even be glow-in-the-dark-hug-pillars, which Chngballz then termed Hug-in-the-Dark: No more fear of the dark! Also, sound devices can be installed in it, such that when you hug it, it can emit an adorable squeak or play some happy tune like 'baba black sheep', not unlike normal stufftoys.

Hmm. I was remembering how children always hug their parents' legs - now if their parents are not around 24hrs, they can use the hug pillar instead! On another note, parents may also use hug pillars as rewards for their children so they will be obedient to their parents in order to be able to hug the hug pillar! Moreover, hug pillars aren't built for use for one person at any one time only! People can have their group hugs around the hug pillar!!!

Oh the love and joy! :)))

2009-09-20T00:05:00.002+08:00

I was speaking to one of my friends recently - and we inadvertently started talking about prelims and all. Okay maybe talking is too mild, groaning and mourning over past papers and complaining or whining about upcoming ones would be closer. It's nice to know someone's suffering too, well, not xing zai le huo, but knowing that you're not the only one being tortured by the Ministry for Me. But yet, I could not like pray with her about it, or wish her a simple "God bless you", because she does not share the same faith. And even when she told me good luck, I hesitated slightly before telling her I didn't believe in luck. It was so, so difficult...

Anywayz, I'm really thankful that some of my classmates pray together before exams! When I came to Hwachong, I realised it wasn't really much of a practice - even amongst the Christians, so I was really happy when Rachel Teo approached me to pray together!!! : ))))))))))))))))))) And I think Chngballz is really cute when she looks at me with the who-is-going-to-pray look!

Breakfast tomorrow~~~

Hug Vera Day

2009-09-16T19:13:00.003+08:00

It was HUG VERA day on Sunday :D haha!

Thank you liqun hannah yien jing jing for making my birthday a less stressful one (indirectly ling and auntie grace too!) I still have the muffins in the freezer although the icing kind of got smashed in the container BUT i still love it! <3 Thanks to noreen and yh for getting the dress for me... now we have to get one for mars!
And I adore my thirteen notes!!! It's not enough!!!!!!!!!
Brother you still owe me :p

I think my birthday made me think about who I really wanted to celebrate/spend time with, because I want to celebrate it twice next year! Constance said during my birthday next year around this time I will be busy studying in uni for tests so I have decided to shift my birthday to an earlier month so that I can celebrate it properly and really happily! And it will be the same time as my girls so we can celebrate together and yiling will be around!

I won't settle for anything less than the best God has intended for me. (:

2009-09-12T00:12:00.000+08:00

While I was doing reflection during bible study today, I think God really spoke to me through these verses...

[Romans 5:8]
This is why I am running this race! When I read it, my first thought was that it was like a condensed version of John 3:16, yet it places emphasis on both God as love, and us as unworthy sinners.

[1 Corinthians 15:58]
God's encouragement to me when I am tired, or hurt. (Runners fall down too you know!) It's like a reminder that I run not in vain.

[1 Corinthians 9:25]
A crown that will last. That is the prize!!! :D

<3 bible verses

2009-09-07T00:48:00.003+08:00

"Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint." ~Isaiah 40: 30-31

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." ~Isaiah 26:3

"I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." ~Psalm 16: 7-11\

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." ~Psalm 72:26

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." ~Exodus 14:14

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, , for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." ~Joshua 1:9

"The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." ~Deuteronomy 31:8

"The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." ~Psalm 145: 17-19

Insane!!! These are all the verses I received recently... when I need encouragement really. :D
Thank you boonjin, brother, mypet, yien, zhenping, liuyi, rachel, iris, emily!
:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

2009-09-01T16:13:00.002+08:00

To whom it may concern:

It was a feeling I was unfamiliar with. Was it difficult to express my thoughts, my feelings to you? Yes. Though I must admit I have never encountered such a feeling before. It wasn't as though a chasm opened up - it was the impossibility of bringing across what I wanted to say. You should listen to what I don't say instead. Like what I'm not writing here. The gaps in my words - both spoken and unspoken. Questions don't always give you answers. Especially questions asked again and again. The answer I give may be one I've given to many others before; It might have been an answer they expected, or wanted to hear. Maybe I didn't want to give you that answer. Would you understand?

2009-08-26T23:52:00.001+08:00

Psalms 145: 17-19
"The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them."

Haha God is amazing. Totally. I surrender.
I am so so so blessed!!! :)

2009-08-19T22:29:00.002+08:00

Two kids flashed brilliant smiles at me today - the dimple-popping out, eyes shining like stars kind. The kind that shock you so that your answering smile is like, half a heartbeat too late because your mind is too busy chiselling that image onto your memory. I know I attract kids. Muhahaha!

Hectic and confusing week. It's like, I haven't had the time to stop and take a breather. But there were still many many funny moments with my class <3 08A13!!!! Some things one just wont and cannot forget. Thank God for putting me in this silly insane class with girls I adore and guys I laugh hilariously at. (and with or laughed at!) I need to keep a notebook joting down all the retarded things we do everyday seriously. Chrysanthemum Tea. Africa. Chngs. BALLZ. Class benches. Godmother! Stacey/Sarah. How about yes/no? UP Russell! Sorting Hats. Marbles. 150-1. One-eyed girls. Boxman. Weak. Princess. Gee. Tigers and Sharks. Smiles smiles smiles abounding all around!!! We have to pull through this round, we have to.

Oh. And I'm jealous. Jealousballz. Sheesh. Don't really like the feeling but yet I can't help it. What a dilemma! I wonder if I make people jealous. And I guess a bit disappointed in people whom I thought would come to hug me but didn't and I don't have the willpower to reach out for one. Dammit, hugs work two ways you know. I guess I'll just wait and see if you come and hug me on your own. Then maybe we'll see whether hugs are really an embrace of love.

3 straight hours of reading today! Speedreading my lit texts is so not a good idea. Haha. I can't wait for the weekend!!!

2009-08-12T18:09:00.002+08:00

Today, I felt...
many insane moments of love <3
numerous times when I just wanted to collapse in laughter!
a slight pang for one I have not seen in a long while...
a certain thankfulness to certain people :)
a (regrettable?) moment of scorn and pity for one I ignore -
overwhelming urges to hug my teacher and my friends,
a need to squeeze someone's cheeks,
partly cloudy, partly sunny.
Nice days.

2009-08-11T21:15:00.004+08:00

Partly cloudy partly cloudy,
Make me a cute little baby!
Alligators, sharks, porcupines, bighorn sheep and eels... Haha! This is the most adorable animation I have ever watched... In love in love with it... I wish everyone could watch it!!! I want to hug clouds. :))) If only fairy godmothers could make children like that...

2009-08-08T23:26:00.000+08:00

Heehee. I haven't enjoyed myself in band practice for such a while now! : ))) Okay, I may appear stressed or at a loss sometimes but I think its only because I really want the best. So... *bites lip* haha. I really like the song 'Dwell in your house' It's like one of those songs that make you want to swing to it! AND WANXIANG PLAYS IT SO WELL I am her NUMBER ONE fan. Totally! She's super good at guitar - better than I am at piano - can I be jealous please? She makes me want to learn guitar.

Yayyy. Looking forward to tomorrow!

2009-08-04T21:53:00.004+08:00

Reminding myself I'm running for a crown that will last forever.
I wonder how long I can last on this pace. Hmmm.
Yet it's probably still not fast enough.
Sigh. Sleep is elusive.
And dreams are rampant.
Oh and no more expectations Vera.
Is it the human's fault for being careless?
Or do we blame the vulnerability of the flowers one tramples?
I need a good fantasy book to lose myself in. I put my heart in a pretty, decorated jar.

Okay. I should stop hiding behind obscure and vague words. I think my level of happiness has been fluctuating like Marissa swiping my pigtails (oh bad example). So when disappointment hits, it doesn't just tap me, it kicks me and it hurts damn bad. And I don't have very valid or explicit reasons for my feelings (I may be deluding myself here) but I hate feeling this/that way. And tiredness too. I'm sorry to people like yt and brother that I dao because I don't feel like talking. Maybe it's a culmination of bad feelings or the knowledge that stress is on its swift and inevitable way. Which may prevent me from doing the right things sometimes but at the moment now I couldn't care less. Ho ho Vera. What a thing to say.

2009-08-02T20:53:00.000+08:00

Makes one wonder why we learn it when humans repeat their mistakes over and over again. Forgetfulness is bliss. Willing oneself to forget will reduce the hurt. Outhurt the hurter. Ha. There's Beloved for me. What's fair isn't necessarily right. This ain't a battle, it's a rout, and we're all locked in a love that will soon wear everyone out. Are we still in an 'unmistakable love call' that shimmered around children until they learned better? Stomp it out I say. The past shouldn't take posession of the present, but it does invent desire.

Haha. *build abs!*

Eeyore & Abs

2009-08-01T23:20:00.004+08:00

I like EEYORE a lot :)
And then Bernice tells me Tarzan goes "ORH-EEYORE EEYORE EEYORE EEYORE"
And so the both of us are going to laugh to get abs. ABS. SIX PACK. NINE PACKS. wheeee

being blind

2009-07-24T01:15:00.001+08:00

When they say faith is blind.
They forget how much more of the world blind people feel.

2009-07-21T23:03:00.002+08:00

"It made sense for a lot of reasons because in all of Baby's life, as well as Sethe's own, men and women were moved around like checkers. Anybody Baby Suggs knew, let alone loved, who hadn't run off or been hanged, got rented out, loaned out, bought up, brought back, stored up, mortaged, won, stolen or seized. So Baby's eight children had six fathers. What she called the nastiness of life was the shock she received upon learning that nobody stopped playing checkers just because the pieces included her children."

~Beloved, by Toni Morrison

I was amazed at how moved I was by this sentence. Never having appreciated my literature texts before, this comes as a very pleasant surprise. Perhaps what makes it even more potent would be the fact that it was, and maybe still is, very real - to the sixty million and more. This kind of books make literature worth studying.

2009-07-17T16:21:00.004+08:00

Hebrews 12:1-3

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverence the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy before him set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Yesterday, this familiar passage took on a different meaning. Amy has crossed the finish line, into the arms of Jesus, and now joins the cloud of witnesses cheering her family on. Three cheers for Amy who ran the race :)

What happens when you are called home?

2009-07-14T20:04:00.002+08:00

I just saw the email saying Amy had been called home to be with the Lord.

I think some part of me still has not fully internalised it, some part that does not understand why God would call home one so young, a mother who has yet to watch her young children grow and mature and make sure they walk in all the paths of rightheousness. I'm angry. Angry that Isaac and Kate - Kate is still a toddler?! - have to grow up with only half of the twin guardians every child is given by God. I don't even think Kate will be able to remember the voice or the embrace of her mother when she grows up; and how will Isaac react to the news? He might realise the loss but not fully understand the significance of it. It only seemed like a short time ago when I was able to play with Kate at the back of the sanctuary. And now Joel has to carry an even heavier burden... I don't even want to imagine how he broke the news to the kids.

I wonder how Amy feels to leave so much behind. So much left uncompleted, roles not fulfilled, a good part of her life not yet experienced in every way she should be able to. I guess there must be a reason why God has called her home - death is but a threshold to cross, crossing into the promise of eternal life - but I wonder whether it hurts more to have to leave so much behind, or to be left behind.

2009-07-07T21:09:00.003+08:00

EXTREMELY HAPPY : DDD

Because I saw my pet wear a dress! *okay im going to die* But hannah and i have great taste in choosing uh.. pet clothes! YAYYYY hi five hannah! okay going to die going to die going to die...
AND CYCLING! I cycled with my pet from East Coast to Changi Beach and back - my legs were dying as we tried to rush back to make it in time to return the bikes. But I really really really enjoyed myself : D again again again!
And I watched ICE AGE 3 which was WAY BETTER than silly transformers! And I am SO NOT like Sid !!! Haha!!! I'm so going to be a superduper midwive you can hold my hand and I'll tell you jokes while you're in pain... And I'm very much impressed by Mother Tyrex... though my favourite part was Sid obsessing over his "children", trying to protect the eggs, attempting to make the baby tyrexes into vegetarians, bargaining with Mother Tyrex which days he should take their children. ANd his failure with the flightless bird makes me laugh now even as I think of it... OKAY IT WAS SO GOOD i absolutely adore it!
And I win at boggles : ppp

PEOPLE WHO OWE ME ICECREAM AND EEYORES OWN UP NOW~
Life after blocks is good! At least before Prelims arrive.

1 Peter 5:7

2009-07-02T11:08:00.004+08:00

Over the course of this exam period I got three smses asking me to cast all my cares on God! So I went to try playing the song on my piano and I really love the tune. It's difficult to put in words, but some melodies, even without the lyrics, can evoke such a subtle feeling of simplicity and trust. Maybe its the fragmented melody, or the poignant minor 7th interval, I don't know.

I can play it very simply, like the voice of a child's innocent faith... I can play it strongly and deeply, as how I would imagine God's strong arms to be around us... I can play it in a question and answer way, mimicking how we always pray to God and how he never fails to answer us.... I could play it over and over and over again.... to remind myself of God's promises.

2009-06-25T23:37:00.001+08:00

When you lose a loved one or a pet...
always remember that God gave His son too...
He will always understand.

<333333333333333333333 (21!)

2009-06-22T17:13:00.001+08:00

BLESSED BIRTHDAY to my dear pet!!!

I hope that you will...
stay silly!
and crazy!
hug more!
sing more!
have longer hair!
wear ahem more!
eat more haha?!
always be happy!!! :)
never grow up...
learn to express yourself better!
be more busy! (for God though!)
grow in God's love everyday and everywhere...

P.S. I really like sleepovers can we rewind time???

2009-06-21T01:33:00.007+08:00

I think there are times when we're meant to be articulate, and times when it's just best to shut up. I have apparently yet to recognise this distinction. How tragic. And forcing my will on others? Certainly. Hmm. I don't want to panic sigh. I DONT WANT DONT WANT PLEASE.

If one day I should stop asking for hugs, will I then never be hugged?
Part of that stemmed from a distinct tiredness of reaching out to people.
I can't keep hugging all the time.

growing

2009-06-16T22:06:00.004+08:00

Rooted in God's love? Are you firmly ensconced within the earth, or desperately grasping at loose rocks? Putting out tendrils, valiantly seeking support. Are you being watered with care, basking in the warm rays of hope? Maybe a storm, a ferocious swirl of temptation and hate might pass by, tugging at your small blooms, trying to make you bend your will. Unrelenting droplets of stress and despair rain down in blinding sheets; the soil beneath you turns into a violent maelstrom. Careless humans step all over you. Will you still bear fruit at the turn of the season?

2009-06-15T06:41:00.000+08:00

When there's a crushing weight on your heart, you sort of wish another heart would help bear the burden with you. Maybe there's one, but it's got wings. There's blood too, plenty of it. Or a gracious hand to lift that dumb heart. Yet it might just roll out from under it, a struggly, jerky, sort of spasm. Trying to. No heart will understand. Not even the owner. The creator does, but stubborness and despair do too. And while they're all talking, if they were even concerned, none can understand the heart.

2009-06-15T00:52:00.003+08:00

What a friend we have in Jesus
One who loves in every way
He will keep what he has promised
You can trust in him each day
Yet why do we still stay so stubborn?
Foolishly held by pride's sway
Please remember He is faithful
And through His grace we all are saved

2009-06-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

PLAYMAX

Thankful that...

Alan Chuan Yi Noreen Loraine Yonghui were there!
The weather was bright and sunnyyy, and hot haha
Xtreme Team had big strong men whose children can hug in a circle!
Chalk pictures can be used to tell a story of salvation...
A singer can inspire others in unexpected ways...
There were games and more games!
Many people had the chance to play together, and hear the gospel :)
There are faithful people who serve relentlessly and do God's work...

Jiayou!!!

2009-06-11T23:09:00.005+08:00

PLAYMAX tomorrow! Excited-nervous-lookingforward-anxious-ahhh!

Watched Monster vs Aliens today! LOVE IT:) Maybe I just like this kind of stuff, but it was really hilarious!!! Like Kungfu Panda and Madagascar and Wall E...

I think I'm still laughing at some of the things they said. B.O.B stands for Bicarbonate Ostylezene Benzoate (I keep thinking of him as OOZE) and he's really charming haha! His lack of a brain... that is. And his silly obsession with jelly and Derek is driving me nuts. I like the Insectosaurus... it looks super huggable and adorable and its mesmerized by bright lights!!!! : D I want to watch it again!!! And again and again and ...

Dakishimeitai dakishimeitai dakishimeitai~
Will careless words make you love a person less?

1 Peter 1: 3-9

2009-06-11T02:46:00.001+08:00

Praise to God for a Living Hope

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

I'm going to memorise this!

2009-06-11T00:29:00.003+08:00

MISS YOU : D
No, I miss you more!
I miss you more than you think you do...
Still miss you more!!!
Miss you with my whole heart! <3
My whole heart's missing...

*exasperatedddd* (:

2009-06-09T18:06:00.004+08:00

Why does God allow suffering?

I can't count the number of times I've been asked this question, and the number of times I've tried unsuccessfully to answer it. It would be easy to say that our human understanding is painfully limited and therefore several answers remain out of our grasp but that hardly satisfies anyone, myself included.

When I look at the question again, I seem to note several assumptions. Firstly, the subject used is God - which implies the presumption that God does exist. Secondly, the use of the word "allow" suggests that this subject - God - is omnipotent, all-powerful, and in absolute control of the universe. Thirdly, this subject must be good and kind for suffering is something evil that surely a being who is good all through will not condone. Then I get confused, because suffering has many definitions, and while the general impression is one of utter negativity and embodies pain, suffering does have a tendency to result in lessons.

There's the argument that God allows suffering because we ultimately learn lessons from it. Then some will argue "What about meaningless suffering?" Is our puny human mind too narrow-minded and short-lived to be able to comprehend God's ultimate purpose? Or in some cases, are we too caught up in the pain and devastation caused by the suffering that we fail to be enlightened as to the bigger meaning and purpose behind it all?

This leads to the question "Is God unfair that he allows only some to suffer?" Is suffering measurable? Is there an extent of misery and despair that an individual goes through? Such things can never be put on a scale, it is simply absurd, yet everyone has very different definitions of the word, based on past experiences and exposure to the real world. I don't think there exists someone who can or will say that they have never suffered in life. But then why are we judging God's impartiality by human standards? I find it intriguing that the human mind persistently tries to fit God in a box, and blatantly ignore the fact that the box is our minds. Another futile attempt at defining God in human terms.

Another argument would be that "God allows suffering because of our own sins." It is true that in the Bible because of the first sin, God allowed pain of childbirth to enter the world, and cursed the land. Following that logic, I think we would more than deserve the amount of suffering in this world. I think's there's truth and false in this question, maybe because of the way it's phrased, but I wonder why people seldom scrutinise their own lives for the answer.

How much of our suffering is brought on by our own human hands? When I read about the bloody Holocaust, the World Wars, the genocides, acts of terrorism, nuclear devastation, the question "Why does God allow suffering" seems to me oddly ironic; Is humankind trying to blame suffering on a divine entity? On a not-so-related-note though, I think it is sad when the number of deaths or wounded reported becomes nothing more than a statistic to feel shock over, bemoan for about a minute, then recorded to be part of nothing more than a human event. Sometimes when I hear about such things over the news or read about them, I try to remember that every one of these people had a father, mother, just like I do, and that they used to sleep, live, breathe in the same air that I do everyday. The term "Man-made suffering" is not new. If we were to really argue to the nitty-gritty, I think we would find that very little suffering in this world is not linked by some way or another to human action.

Why then does God not just wave His hand and destroy all suffering? Examine that. If He did that, would He not be destroying free will as well? Everytime He tries to prevent evil, He would be taking away freedom, our freedom to choose between good and evil. The eventual outcome might be good, but then we would just be puppets in this world. (All the world's a stage? Haha)

Why do people ask this question? Are they too fixated by the image that they have of God in their own minds - a good, kindly God who will save them from their troubles? Is the question merely a helpless plea? Are they trying to disprove God? Are they disillusioned with their own lives? Maybe some questions hold different answers for everyone.

There are too many facets to this issue. But I found that Lee Strobel in "The Case for Faith" included something interesting. Prominent British pastor John R. W. Scott:

"I could never myself believe in God, if it were not for the cross... In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it? I have entered many Buddhist temples in different Asian countries and stood respectfully before the statue of Buddha, his legs crossed, arms folded, eyes closed, the ghost of a smile playing round his mouth, a remote look on his face, detached from the agonies of the world. But each time after a while I have had to turn away. And in imagination I have turned instead to that lonely, twisted, tortured figure on the cross, nails through hands and feet, back lacerated, limbs wrenched, brow bleeding from thorn-pricks, mouth dry and intolerably thirsty, plunged in God-forsaken darkness. That is the God for me! He laid aside his immunity to pain. He entered our world of flesh and blood, tears and death. He suffered for us. Our sufferings become more manageable in light of his. There is still a question mark against human suffering, but over it we boldly stamp another mark, the cross which symbolizes divine suffering. The cross of Christ... is God's only(?) self-justification in such a world as ours."

2009-06-07T23:23:00.003+08:00

If only, if only, there were some way to keep memories with me forever. The people, the relationships, the laughter, the disappointment, the fleeting impressions, lingering thoughts, love and hearts shared, our service, the tearful prayers, the desperate cries, random and sporadic moments of oh-can-you-please-do-that-again!, grudging smiles...I could go on forever. But then maybe our minds were made to be forgetful - oh how I hate my mind - so that perhaps we can experience afresh things God created and placed purposefully in our existence, and never get tired of living out our lives for Jesus Christ.

What an exciting race! I'm going to win this one. :)

I might just be a pre-conceptual scientist.

2009-06-02T01:06:00.002+08:00

2009-06-01T10:25:00.002+08:00

Glomp-happy

1. Adj. Possessing a nature of being extremely excitable upon the entrance of an acquaintance, friend, or love that has not been seen by the subject for what would seem like a long time for the subject, but is usually considered a short time. Can also describe someone who glomps a lot.

2. Adj. Describing a nature of being glomp-happy.

2009-05-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

Aloevera really likes love exercises and glomps!
<3333333333333

2009-05-27T19:21:00.004+08:00

This is something God has seriously been pushing me to say already:

I am furious. Okay, maybe just incredibly disappointed. I want to ask you "Which part of you loves God? Because I certainly cannot see you living it out at all." Who are you? Why do you seem to be two people?

How can someone who professes to love Christ NOT SHOW THE SAME LOVE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM? How can someone who believes in the Saviour mouth words of malice and mock others? Jesus loved everyone! He showed this unconditional love to those who were despised and cast out by the community, he healed the wounded, welcomed the broken in spirit, and you cannot even bring yourself to show a little bit of care to your classmate?! You have no idea how much hurt you cause her. How can a child of God strike such fear in another's heart?! Did not the bible say " Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes of God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."

Do you think it's very funny, very cool to make a joke out of others? Have you ever thought about the hurt you cause others? Those unkind words; were they ever fully justified? Do you even care what kind of image you potray to other non-Christians? If even they can feel guilty, or remorseful, about the way they have acted, what more you whom God has told "Love thy neighbour as thyself"?!

Just so you know, I'm not the only one who has noticed this. Please please watch your own actions because people are looking at you and have expectations of you. God is watching you, how do you think He feels about your actions?! How can you expect others to see the Jesus we know and love through your actions? So many times, what you do leave me and others around you shocked.

How are you a Christian if you have not the love Christ has for others???

2009-05-25T23:47:00.002+08:00

happy <3

2009-05-21T18:50:00.002+08:00

"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends" ~ John 15:13

Staying home sick two days in a row has given me time to do whatever I want - unfortunately I've been sleeping most of it off. Sleeping, waking up when I can't breathe, tumbling back to sleep, dreaming, reading roald dahl, and drifting off to sleep again. I blame the pills. (which I haven't been taking very consistently anyway)

I wanted to blog about this a few days ago, especially after talking to Rachel Teo/Chng about it. It was really nice to be able to talk about the Christian perspective of relationships with a fellow classmate. Hmmm. : ) It led me to think about how I treat others. I used to be able to like everyone. It came naturally - I do not see the bad side of others often I guess - especially in MGS, it was really easy to love everyone. And then I came to JC, and I found people that I sometimes wished I had never met. And yet I know God says I still must love everyone equally. And I must love with the Love of Christ, God's ultimate expression of Love. How can I ever ever ever live up to such standards?

This year marked another year of change for me. I found myself able to love and hate to a greater degree, a deeper understanding and defining of my relationships with others. No more just like/dislike, there's love, and hate, a love that hurts me yet I still cling to it, a hate that I try desperately to curb and force into the shape of tolerance. I have a really bad side to me. When I'm hurt, my first reaction is to hurt back, to force the same kind of pain onto the party who inflicted me with this hurt. I'm always convinced I hurt more than the other, which I know is not the case sometimes. Oh wells. To love is to hurt. That is very, very, very painfully true.

And then I must remember I hurt others too. Unknowingly, or knowingly, I'm probably guilty of both. I had thought that I was quite sensitive to feelings, yet there can be such complexity and depth to a person's emotional state that I will never be able to just love someone without hurting them. I don't think Christ hurt people when He Loved them... His Love was something that transcended human understanding, part of a greater Love that mapped the heavens and earth, that shaped the future of each individual.

I really want to love with the Love of Christ. And regarding bgr relationships, I really am in no position to enter one now. When I do, it will (hopefully) be for life, when I can love with an unselfish love, an unconditional love, the Love of Christ.

Then there's the definition of love. Every 'love' that I have used in this post - I refer to my weak, temporal, selfish form of love. Does loving someone mean to treat them nicely? To want the best for them? To always be mindful of their feelings? Love seems like such a complicated issue - yet God defined it in a matter of 16 words, and used the sacrifice of Christ as his most powerful example. I wonder how I can ever match up to that.

2009-05-17T23:39:00.007+08:00

Too many things have been happening, I can't keep up! Hopefully my memory will choose only to remember the laughs and not the tears. Almost every night recently I'm too tired to think back on the day; my heart doesn't have the time to register the emotions!

I thank God for the note, the hugs (<3), the smiles, those kind words, that voice that spoke out for me, those smses, that morning prayer, the questions that asked me about my week, the fun during playmax dry run, the joy of seeing people I see only once in a while, the nose engulfs, the offer of a friend, someone wanting me to be strong and courageous & very happy. :)

Just let me say how much I love You
Let me speak of Your mercy and grace
Just let me live in a shadow of Your beauty
Let me see You face to face
And the earth will shake as Your Word goes forth
And the heavens will tremble and fall
But let me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend

Just let me hear Your finest whispers
As You gently call my name
And let me see Your power and Your glory
Let me feel Your spirit's flame
Let me find You in the desert
Till this sand is holy ground
And I am found completely surrendered
To You my Lord and Friend

So let me say how much I love You
With all my heart I long for You
For I am caught in this passion of knowing
This endless love I've found in You
And the depth of grace, the forgiveness found
To be called a child of God
Just makes me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend

Dear God, let love for Christ inspire me in everything I do.

2009-05-12T17:49:00.002+08:00

Today.

I wish for you.

An ordinary day of miracles...

An unexpected hug when you are down,

a kind word from a caring soul.

I wish you a day of happiness and small perfections...

little bite-sized pieces of perfection that give you

the funny feeling that someone is smiling on you,

and holding you so gently because

you are someone so special,

created out of a purpose and

overflowing

love.

You might not know how special you are,

how carefully someone's watching out for you,

smiling when you do,

hurting when you do,

getting angry

(sometimes)

at what you do,

but always loving you with a love that is

just so

indescribeable,

uncontainable,

incomparable,

unchangeable.

I wish you a day with Love, Joy and Peace.

Yesterday

Today

and

Forever

2009-05-12T17:35:00.003+08:00

Forever and ever - Pooh and Christopher Robin

真挚的友谊
是当故事画上无数句点时
我们的剧情仍然继续... ...

2009-05-07T00:20:00.007+08:00

What is prayer?

Prayer is ...
an unending dialogue,
the opening of hearts,
an uncovering of deep fears,
a release of held-back tears,
a song of silent thankfulness,
a counting of blessings,
an exclaimation of joy,
a shattering of pride,
a claim of dependence,
a time of honest confession,
a request for grace,
a source of hope,
an offering of trust,
the most intimate of conections,
a remembering of amazing love,
an exercise of faith,
a desire for a peace that transcends all understanding.

Remember that God is only a whispered prayer away...

bye bye 2.4

2009-04-29T21:53:00.011+08:00

Today I experienced a MIRACLE!
I actually passed my 2.4km!!! Haha! God is really very very gracious to me... I not only passed, but obtained a timing good enough for me to get a silver for napfa! On cloud 13 million...

Thank God for Jillian, who ran the last two rounds with me, and tricked me by telling me that my fifth round was my last round so I was forced to run! I think my heart just about stabbed itself when I realised my fifth round was not my last round...
Thank God for Nicholas Wong... who tried to 'drown' me after the run by pouring water on my face...
Thank God for others like Nicolette who supported me after I stupidly collapsed...
.
After helping out with the strings syf (saw Joey & Claire & Yating!), my headache (from dehydration I think) got quite bad so I went home after meeting my pet. My pet is really very silly... it thinks it can walk from Bukit Panjang to my house... it gets very weird/crazy/funny/VERY SILLY ideas sometimes.
Not from me. :p

Going to reward myself with cute pics of kids last Sunday!

And then I realise I have quite a lot a lot a lot of things to do this weekend!!! And my stuff is clashing again on sunday lalala. Need to practice the score for JCC, prepare chords for band prac, settle photog accounts and shirt... blah blah blah. One by one. :)

25th April 2009

2009-04-27T23:53:00.008+08:00

It was a day of very, very precious and delightful memories.

Sparkling waters, sea spray, never-ending breeze, quiet prayer.

Piggy-backs, love stories, hearts broken, densities hahaha.

A night of mutual confusion, question & answer sessions.

Please, please, please mean what you say.

I really want to believe it!

-------------------

我是真心要相信你

2009-04-21T17:03:00.000+08:00

JILLIAN GOH totally killed me today.

When she collapsed outside the audi, my mind kind of blanked out. And then I began asking random people for plastic bags *NOT very useful* I think mars was much more rational... I could not help but think back on the New Year Day incident at the mrt. (I thought I had forgotten about it but some things just will never leave your memory) I could only let Jilly rest her head in my lap and squeeze my hand - exactly like childbirth. JILLIAN PLEASE DON'T BE SCARED BY THE PAIN I STILL WANT GODCHILDREN! (:

I started rambling quite uselessly about left-handed whoppers, my special birthing technique, Ernest eating silicon gel - I felt so, so, so helpless. Rather idiotically I kind of wished God could half the pain with me so it wasn't so bad. And so I tried to pray with her too. Jillian HOW can you get such BAD cramps I CANNOT comprehend!!!

Inspiration of the day: I will train to be a fantastic midwive-godmother!!! Maybe without the screaming and blood (what if i faint first -.-)... MIDWIVE TRAINING YAY!

I think I make deluded statements because I'm too idealistic. Though sometimes it's just plain stupid. Haha.

Puppeting!

2009-04-16T20:44:00.004+08:00

Winnie asked me how my Good Friday was during PEG today... and I realised I haven't quite got the opportunity to gush about the kids at the puppet show to anyone yet!!! So I think I totally tortured her with my rapid, enthusiastic, overloading of how adorable the kids were and so on... Oops. : p

And now I'm going to overload it more on my blog. I think all the practices (noisy and tiring they were) we had for consecutive weeks was TOTALLY WORTH IT because children are the most innocent things in the world and the gospel was really meant for them! Initially I feared the Ragman script would be too deep for them because it was really quite obscure, and very different from the usual joking playful script we were used to. But thank God the response from the kids was great!!!

The funniest part was when the Ragman pretended to die (parallelling Jesus' death on the cross), and Cyrus (the narrator) was supposed to look away in grief, while the Ragman would sneak off (paralleling Resurrection of Christ), so that it seemed that the Ragman aka Jesus rose from the dead! But of course the kids could see the Ragman get up and walk away, so when Cyrus turned around and pretended to be surprised that the Ragman was gone, all the kids were screaming "He went that way! Behind the stage! That way!!!" And poor Cyrus had to ignore all of that and go on saying "He has risen from the dead!"
I nearly laughed into the mike!

And the most endearing thing is at the last part when Cyrus asked "So do you want to invite Jesus into your heart today?", the kids raised their hands so easily as though you had just asked them if they wanted to eat MacDonalds. Haha. I love kids!!! They can just so freely accept the truth about Jesus, and to them, their Saviour is like their friend to them!

Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Matthew 19: 13-14

Jesus prayed for little children! How cool is that?!

NOT a pedophile

2009-04-14T21:13:00.003+08:00

I <3 mentoring club!!!

The kids are oh-so-heartachingly-cute-and-lovable! And it's really fun beceause Bena is lame-until-she-cannot-walk and Aileen is like preying on handsome boys! Haha! I mentored a boy named Ernest (how ironic) today! He and his partner Leonard are really naughty! I will have to make Ernest do his work, and then Leonad has this great habit of saying his answers out loud... and of course Ernest conveniently overhears! AND THEY SAY I AM SHORT?!?!?! (they are at an age where they are overexcited about girls and they think height is an indication of maturity WHICH it is NOT :p) My patience is being stretched like... er... a pancake! If you put maple syrup and butter on it you can probably eat it already! Hahaha!

Oh there's also this really quiet, adorable boy in specs (love nerds!) whose name is Wei Jian. His face is perpetually in a pout and we always try in vain to make him laugh or smile! We have formed a fan club in honour of his cuteness; I wonder if we scare him haha! I MISS THE BOY WHO LAUGHED LIKE A MACHINE GUN!!! I didn't see you today!!!

I think I could stay in that school for a long long long time. We were spying on the P1s and P2s who had came down for assembly... and their bags are far too huge for their teeny bodies! The boys are SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO charming with their shorts pulled up high and they have the smallest faces ever that just wants to make you squeeze and cuddle their cheeks and rub noses with them and hold their tiny hands in your palms and sneak them into your bag so that you can run off home with them where you can hug them anytime you like! I am going to be very very very very very very very happy every Tuesday I think! I am SO going to be a primary school/kindergarten teacher! Imagine seeing the little darlings everyday... it would be pure bliss!!!

: )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Quote of the day:
"Women are so much better at making babies!" by Marissa. I totally agree! *hinthint*

2009-04-13T19:27:00.004+08:00

I passed my Grade 8 Piano Practical! Thank you thank you thank you dear God! Honestly I was quite doubtful of passing! I knew the results were out since last week already, but being the utter coward and avoiding idiot I am, I was too scared to log in to find out if I died or lived. Okay drama. Haha! When I saw my results online I refreshed the page several times to make sure that it was really true, and then I just stared agape at the screen before I started to jump around in glee! I still want to dance around when I think about it. (:

"May God bless you with much precision, knowledge, confidence and joy for your piano exam!
Trust Him and make a joyful sound unto Him... Hmmm :-)"
"Our God is so big, so strong and so mighty... There's nothing our God cannot do for you!!"

Now there's just Napfa this week to get over with. Hahaha will I faint or die? Sigh. I want a huggg please?

2009-04-12T19:17:00.006+08:00

Love Crucified Arose / Christ Arose - Stan Whitmire

Long ago He blessed the earth
Born older than the years
And in the stall a cross He saw
Through the first of many tears
A life of homeless wandering
Cast out in sorrow's way
The Shepherd seeking for the lost
His life, the price He paid

Love crucified, arose
The Risen One in splendor
Jehovah's sole Defender
Has won the victory
Love crucified, arose
And the grave became a place of hope
For the heart that sin and sorrow broke
Is beating once again

Throughout Your life You felt the weight
Of what You'd come to give
To drink for us that crimson cup
So we might really live
At last the time to love and die
The dark appointed day
That one forsaken moment
When Your Father turned His face away

Love crucified, arose
The One who lived and died for me
Was Satan's nail-pierced casualty
Now He's breathing once again
Love crucified, arose
And the grave became a place of hope
For the heart that sin and sorrow broke
Is beating once again

I had forgotten how much I loved this song until Deborah reminded me today... no wonder when I heard the first notes of the introduction I felt the familiarity wash over me again, and it never fails to make me cry. I think I will never cease to be amazed by the love that held Jesus to the cross, and the awesome power of His resurrection through His triumph over death. I hope I never will.

do re mi

2009-04-12T00:01:00.003+08:00

How do composers treat melodies?

Are they inspired before breathing life into their creation? Or do they simply pluck it out of the silence, like Mozart. Do they join notes like how constellations form? Or do they draw pictures in the mind - spirals, crevices, soaring peaks, mists? Maybe they sew harmonies together to form a tapestry so complex, so intricate, every piece is unique. Is it like cooking? Where certain flavours complement each other, yet still others drown and distort. Music is almost like dancing. A slow, unhurried waltz. A graceful pirouette. Contortioning of the body. I think music is like a hug. It envelops you, warms and touches your heart in ways indescribeable, and its fleeting moment lingers even after it is no longer there.

2009-04-11T00:34:00.004+08:00

G R A T E F U L !

And in more ways than one! Good Friday is supposedly over already... but I was thankful for it - for the puppeting, the fellowship, the visiting grave... and now I will mull over my Saviour's sacrifice while anticipating his triumph over death and glorious ascendance to heaven!

Feeling grateful is wonderful. It reminds me that nothing belongs to me, I have earned nothing by my own merit, and that I rest wholly in my Father's hands.

Thank you...
I will guard your heart...

enough

2009-04-10T00:28:00.003+08:00

Avoidance is good. I think that on nights like these I wish I couldn't think. I wish I wouldn't think so much. Am I reading too much? Why does it anger or sadden me? I'm so annoyed and frustrated at my inability to do, say anything. And then I still remain at an utter loss as to what to do. Again and again. It would just be better to really let it go once and for all. I'm tired of it. WHY keep something near me that will only hurt me time after time?

I won't dwell on it. There are plenty of other things that still drain my energy and willpower. Some things I won't think about. Some things I refuse to cry about, but I know I need to. Sigh. Trust in Christ, Vera. Only God keeps His promises.

I did Campus E with Danette today. How do I describe it? There were times when I felt so hopeless in sharing the gospel, and I wished I could just open my heart to them so that they could see for themselves how much I meant every word I uttered. It was simply inconceivable to me that they could not see the truth for themselves. Or was I the blind one? I feel so blessed to be a child of God, yet so saddened to see others not yet in the family. Yet it is up to God to change hearts and transform lives. We are merely instruments of his will.

Good Friday tomorrow. Puppet show tomorrow. The speaker at the Good Friday service was right. I'm dreadfully longing for my true home. Not just tired of my earthly burdens, but I'm yearning for the day when my Saviour will take me into his arms and welcome me to my eternal home.

This is such a sad post. But I guess I'm sad now.

2009-04-08T23:24:00.000+08:00

*bbbats* .hgiS !esaelp em sllik ti erofeb em lliK !keew siht tuo era stluser wp dna stluser onaip yM

2009-04-05T01:24:00.003+08:00

Miss Vera Chng,

Please don't be so simple-minded and insensitive like you usually are. You hurt people without realising it. Learn to slow down and think. Ahhhh....

embracing insanity

2009-04-02T22:55:00.005+08:00

Samantha and I were debating on our dream guy...

And I decided if I had to marry someone (who was not a child)...

It would be Kenshin Himura!!! *insane laughter*

I LOVE KENSHIN!!!

Seriously! Who could resist him?!

This is the epitome of cuteness...oro! He is utterly adorable when things get awkward. And he has silky long red hair and can fly, or jump extremely high. And he is a perfect gentlemen, a character I admired immensely. I was infatuated with him for a good part of my childhood... I miss anime. It was a world of fantasy that I escaped to periodically.

Note: I still owe Pastor Ronnie his Samurai X cds. Haha.

2009-04-02T20:36:00.003+08:00

I feel like I'm living in two different worlds.

Is this what we mean by strangers of the world?

Love with the same heart, Vera

Only then can you testify to God's love.

2009-04-02T00:35:00.004+08:00

I remember singing this for Psalty's concert... crying as I sang it.

2009-04-01T22:20:00.003+08:00

Walked in the rain today :)
Didn't get very wet though.
Shall try again!

2009-03-31T20:27:00.003+08:00

It takes you by quite the surprise. Like an unsurprising surprise that resurfaces at the most inappropriate of times. I think I knew it was still there. Somehow, no matter how futilely I tried to suppress it. Instead of unearthing it by its roots, I merely snipped off a bloom or two and trimmed its crown. Maybe I did not want to let it go. I did not cling on to it for you, I clung on for the sake of clinging on. Convincing oneself is utter idiocy. And I mean idiocy in every aspect of the word. So when that familiar feeling shoved itself free from its smouldering remnants and surged up from the depths of my soul, I let it soar free, for a twang of my heartstrings, before yanking it regretfully by its newfound wings. And yet I still relish the heartache and yearning as it brushed past, like a dying star and its trail of transient stardust.

2009-03-30T20:04:00.000+08:00

'65 Love Affair by Paul Davis
I fall for oldies all the time...

2009-03-30T00:43:00.001+08:00

Oh man, my mom is sharper than I thought.
I am in trouble...

2009-03-29T21:33:00.005+08:00

I love Saturdays and Sundays...
I REALLY love rainy Saturdays and Sundays...
I love the time I spend in church...

YZ 10th Anniversary is this Saturday!!! There is SO MUCH to prepare and I feel bad for Yi En because she's like handling everything sorry! *Vera, learn to take more initiative* But it's funn! I think anticipation is better than the actual thing itself.

Ernest tore a ligament in his ankle today during puppet practice. *I didn't know that there were ligaments in our ankles* I was at such a loss as to what to do. Random thoughts like "oh put ice" and "lift his leg up" weren't very helpful, I couldn't even tell if it was a dislocation, a fracture, a sprain or a twist. I am such a terrible sister sigh. Haha. And at home when he wanted to move from the sofa to the dining table, he asked me to carry him and I gladly obliged...yet while carrying him (with all my strength) he said "Eh Zhei, I'm 1 cm off the ground." *should have dropped him there and then*

And I cut my hair today! I actually reached the shop, and the lady was like "nono, we are closed already" but my mom pleaded so I became the last customer of the night. And I think I cannot cut my hair at saloons that make me wait forever because I'll change my mind halfway and decide not to cut my hair at all haha! I get very stressed when I cut my hair lalala. My dad said he couldn't tell I cut my hair -.- He says that everytime...

Stuff to do:
Buy planner.
Get a jacket.
Settle photog accounts & shirt.
Settle anni stuff.
Settle BS time.
Finish filing.
Write notes.
Remind about playmax.
Fix prayer meeting lunch.
Reschedule support singing.
Pack my room (haha this looks familiar)

Stuff I look forward to doing:
Eat IKEA ice-cream with my pet!
Cycling with brother...
Watch Suspect X & Detroit Metal City!
Sleepover!
Playing piano!
Anniversaryyy!
Walking in the rain *ahem*
Baking *coughbrowniecough*

Haha listing it just makes me happy.

2009-03-28T23:53:00.008+08:00

Aloevera loves SFIC...

random thought

2009-03-28T23:03:00.003+08:00

I think one day I'll compose a song for God.
For his goodness and faithfulness in my life...
Yet it would be difficult to string a melody,
So alluring, so poignant, so rich in meaning...
Maybe that's why worship is from the heart,
And true worshippers worship in spirit and in truth.

2009-03-26T22:41:00.003+08:00

And this is my prayer:
that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God.

What a beautiful prayer! To pray with the triumphant end in mind.

2009-03-23T21:48:00.004+08:00

I saw a rainbow on Saturday!

It excited me, then proceeded to confuse me. I always envisioned rainbows against the brilliant blueness of the sky, with velvety wisps of white clouds wandering around rather randomly and aimlessly... with the stark, bright reds oranges yellows greens blues indigos glowing in their own unique way. Yet what I saw was a greyish-blue sky, solemn in its dark hue, and the rainbow itself did not gleam or glow, but hung there silently, its colours almost blending into each other. The first thought that came to mind - a sad rainbow. I think I like this more poignant aspect of rainbows...

Rainbows are God's promises to us!
And promises speak of love and trust and everything in a friendship.

2009-03-22T19:05:00.002+08:00

Sometimes they say trains run out of steam.
I woke up today and wondered who my driver is.
Train station is closed for repairs.

I dont think my heart can stand for this.
Why is it so, so, so, difficult...
No time to cry either...

2009-03-21T00:36:00.000+08:00

T h a n k y o u .

silly memories

2009-03-20T01:17:00.003+08:00

hugs

first cabin

mrt trains

pets

chicken pox

drawing on hands

not letting go

sweets

porridge

chinese characters

tears

fears

misbehaving

silliness

加油!

The Lord's

paper bags

misses

time

joy!

2009-03-19T11:00:00.010+08:00

Piano fast starts today!

SCARED

2009-03-18T23:11:00.003+08:00

Colossian 1: 16-17
"For by him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

Aloevera thinks: Without God life makes no sense. Everything exists because of God, everything exists for God. Hmm. Without God, everything would just be meaningless because it has lost its purpose - to glorify God. Everytime I remember that I'm a child of God, part of his family, I think part of me goes insane with delight and starts to think of doing really weird things. Haha. It's an inner joy and assurance in knowing I belong to something greater, that makes me shiver in pure happyness. Yayyy! I get so happy just typing about it! And now I can't control my smiles... If only I could always always always remember this... every second, every single moment and instant that I'm alive...

2009-03-18T02:00:00.002+08:00

If one day we all just woke up in heaven it would be wonderful.
I think it would be easier and more straightforward to love there,
because God is love, and we love because He first loved us.

uncomfortable thoughts

2009-03-17T09:55:00.004+08:00

I was just pondering over it last night.

How important the grade8 practical exam this friday is for me. If I pass it, it would quite mean the end of my professional piano studies. I might miss it, in a warped kind of way, because I know I don't plan to take diploma.

If I fail it, it would mean...I would have to learn the whole new syllabus, because the registration date for the exam later this year is past already, so I can't just retake the exam in August. And learning the whole new syllabus would take me another year, and I'll probably have to spend another (12 x $260) + $300plus, on my piano lesson and exam fees. I don't think I would want to prolong my parents' financial burden another year or so. And with As coming up... I don't want to think...

Which is why I must pass. Vera, you will. You haven't failed any yet. But there's a first time for everything. And you know how easily you slip into panic mode in these sort of situations. I won't. I will not. I simply cannot afford to. Dear God, please let me pass.

2009-03-16T22:49:00.002+08:00

Funny how it's the people you love
That God sends from above.

2009-03-15T21:53:00.006+08:00

Youth Sunday!
The first service was disastrous! I was getting ready to play "Who Am I", when I heard Lynn's last words - In Christ Alone - so I thought that "In Christ Alone" came first, and I played the intro for it only to realise that she intended to sing "Who Am I"! So I panicked, spent like forever looking for the chords... and there is this ominous silence as the flustered pianist searches for the chords of the song. Oh how I wished the carpeted ground below me would open up obligingly and swallow me, grand piano and all. My bumbility did not end there. I think my intro for "In Christ Alone" was too obscure, so it didn't really lead the congregration in properly - should have rectified it! And "Hosanna" didn't sound very tight with the band... the congregration was lagging quite a bit behind the drums.

The second service was comparatively much much much better... now that we had gone through all the mistakes with the first service -.- Haha. Which is WHY people like Auntie Corrinne and Aunty Ern Chi can come up and tell me it wasn't bad, oh if ONLY they were around for the first service... they would be coming up to kill me! But I guess like what WX says, musicians shouldn't focus too much on all the small technical stuff and forget who we're worshipping - GOD! <3

Oh I had the chance to talk to Deborahhh today! *HUGS* Stop going for camps and go out with me!
Then I carried Gavriel!!!!!! He is SO SMALL SO CUTE SO FRAGILE I wish he was a bit more solid so I can hug him more properly! JEALOUS of Gaius who kisses him openly in front of me!!! WHy don't I have a baby brother! And Yien thought he was shitting because he was making constipated squeaks so we brought him to Pastor Kien Seng's office only to find that he probably farted or something which would explain the stink hmmmm.

Children's choir... my parents forgot to bring my flute so I basically teased the kids haha. Not very helpful... especially when I was nodding off.. I almost fell off the cupboard ledge haha! And the kids saw me.. which wasn't exactly the most flattering thing a teacher/helper can do.

Puppet practice!!! I was so tired by then, my puppet hardly had any energy to cry or talk or sing and I realise all the monsters more or less sing OUT OF TUNE so Teacher Beng Choo is really worried about it and asking me to do something about it but I'm not a music teacher how can I make (tonedeaf) people sing in tune?! Okay I think the girls like Minwei and Hannah are okay, but the guys are a totally different matter...

It was raining Veras and koalas by then... but I still went down to Far East to meet WanXiang to buy a jacket! Haha. Half my pants was soaked by then and WX does NOT take good care of her guitar!!! HAHA! If you see this TAKE NOTE! We just walked about and talked a lot of random stuff haha I think we all need these sporadic periods of pure randomness in our lives. I didn't get a jacket though : ( yeah WX I'm too picky haha! Then dinner at Raffles City which was funny because the dinner topic was SO not appropriate for our appetites... and WX is so hilarious! She drank the drink halfway, then stopped and offered it to me okay it doesnt sound amusing here but it was at that point of time. Long... LONG bus ride home... it's like the third night in a row that I've gone home with her haha. 970 yay!

Wow this post is long and ranty. I don't usually blog like this... but I just have an urge to do so today. For people who complain that I don't blog enough about my daily life! But it's my first time playing in Youth Sunday so it's quite important to me. :)

2009-03-14T23:39:00.006+08:00

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above” - James 1:17
.

Reflecting back on this week.. I think it's during my toughest, most stressful period that God shows me his love that shines for me so brightly and warmly for me. Almost every night, when I sink into *despair* mode, someone would call (missedcallstoo), someone would sms, someone would tag my blog. I received prayers via sms, via msn, even on the phone..

God's sent me many angels to look after me! And when I was flipping through my prayer journal, I realised that every night this week, I had someone to thank God for!

2009-03-11T19:03:00.012+08:00

[X]General Paper
[X]Economics
[X]Literature
[X]Piano Grade 8 Theory Exam
[X]Youth Sunday Band Practice
[X]Youth Sunday (i really need to practice!)

Dear God, please let me survive this week.
PANIC ATTACKS EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK.
Every morning and night I am overwhelmed by a sense of dread.
It's mentally and spiritually draining! I want to hug someone!
Thank you Serene and Brother :)

I can't control my feelings. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Can't. Maybe I'll wait for the day I become so jaded and tired of love, or the lack of it, that I will just mutilate and destroy my ability to. Then maybe FINALLY things will make so much more sense in this stupid tangled twisted warped world of emotions and feelings. imagine a world not dictated by our relationships. how wondrous. how lovely. how unimaginable. but oh how unreachable. dear God, i really am insane. was i made this way or was it __? Feelings shoudn't have a voice. They should be mute and stuffed deep down under my soul where they pose only a slight discomfort, but have no way to take over the world. My world. Okay not mine. God's. : /

2009-03-08T21:15:00.002+08:00

Missing you...

Definition: Want, feel a loss
Synonyms: Crave, desire, long, wish. yearn, pine

When we talk of missing someone, I guess what we really mean is that they're missing in our hearts.

2009-03-06T20:44:00.004+08:00

What is worry? Sheesh.
It's something that makes you all panicky!
Frustrated, teary, distraught...
Tense, lost, fearful...
Worry is usually directed inwards
It's a pain that's best endured alone
And I think I violated that today
Worry takes the words out of your mouth,
The text out of your smses,
The prayers out of your heart,
It makes one wish you were that person,
So you can take the torment out of their lives.
Worry is best placed in God's hands,
For tomorrow will take care of itself,
And He works for the good of all those who love Him.
It's not easy to let go of it...
We seem to want to cling so tightly onto it
Why are we so foolish?????
Why do we hold onto worry instead of God's grace?
Our worry is most certainly not sufficient for us,
We are all learning to put our hope in You.
I guess worry is an expression of love,
And perhaps that is why love hurts.
But I will have you know I love you
You idiot, I love you so so so much...
And that is why I worry,
Can I love you without worrying?

2009-03-04T23:49:00.002+08:00

I wanted to spend more time with you...

Funny how eight words can make me so so so happy! Thank u haha!
Stop covering your face!

2009-03-04T19:32:00.002+08:00

Monday was really bad. It was so, so bad, I was doing my music homework in tears. As much as I enjoy music, the double pressure of practical and theory exam clashing with my blocks is starting to take its toll on me. I really cannot practice two hours everyday, finish two whole theory papers every week I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO STOP TIME FOR A WHILE. And walk in th rain. And hug kungfu panda and wall e and stitch.

Sorry ranting. I'm okay now. :)