Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Even if romance ran out of rhyme...
WA. So many things happened in Project Serve I don't have the energy to blog about it. Everyone's falling sick!!! Please get wellll okay!!! People like Airika, YuenTeng... *I got sent home on Monday* : ((( This week is so long! ANd so busy! In a good way I guess...
Hellllo brother! Are you doing okay over there? I wonder if you got my smses.. haha. COme back sooon! >.<
I want to hide out at the library for an entire day and just read.
I want to take a picnic mat and spread it out on some grassy patch and star/cloud-gaze.
I would very much like a huggg<3
10:30 PM
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Hi Joyce.
I feel a bit self-conscious blogging now because I know you'll read it haha. I thought about what you said. About mature love. And came to the conclusion that I must still be a child. I'm sure you know, that when you love too easily, you hurt easily too. And it happens time and time again, until I begin to dread loving. I wonder if my love changes everytime. It may shrink a little after every betrayal, curl up on itself in the face of disappointment, or perhaps lower itself when it hopes too high. And after every time I tell myself it's the last time that I'll ever love so much, and I know that I'm lying to myself. It's difficult to let go, but I'm learning.
I wonder how God feels... loving us with his amazing and unconditional love, while there are some of us who do not love him, some of us who try to love him, some who betray him repeatedly, hurt him, make him angry and disappointed, some who even pretend he does not exist. Are we any different from the Israelites, turning away from him even after being chosen by his grace?
Honestly it seems easier to love God than the people around us. It hurts less at least. It may be a different kind of love I suppose - between creation and its Creator, the love of a family, the love between best friends.
I don't want to love anymore Joyce. : ( But I know its a lie. I'll just fall in love and in love and in love every single stupid time. Maybe I'll tie a lifeline around myself so that I don't fall too hard and too deeply, till the point I cannot climb out of this pit lined with roses. I may attach this line to God, so that if one day my heart is in my pocket, cold and impenetratable, God's love will burn a slow fire and warm it again so that my heart will hurt and begin to love again.
9:29 PM
Thursday, January 7, 2010
A wasted life is one when it is not fully lived as designed and intended by God.
An unwasted life is a life that has been given over to God's purpose and bears much fruit for the kingdom of God.
Project Serve kind of officially started today after the camp! : ) It's so exciting! Thinking of ways to share the gospel is kinda scary but I can't help but feel a sense of anticipation and eagerness. Which might slide into despair after the actual carrying out but I can't help but feel hopeful! And I like working with my peers like Airika, Joyce, Christine, Angeline, Jason, Raphael, Nat, BJ (even though she spells doom for me still) It's like I've found an environment where I can be completely at ease in. Having people around you that share the same values and vision is really inspiring because we all know that we're not alone in this race!
Oh and I must testify to God's goodness! Last night, I was praying for someone to talk to, because something happened during camp that really distressed me... I was struggling trying to distinguish between right and wrong. AND THANK GOD MARISSA YEE CALLED. I love you loads man! I got such a shock when I saw the caller id on my phone show up "Marissa's house" And it's really amazing because I haven't spoken to her in like one and a half months and she suddenly randomly calls me up! Catching up with her was really niceee Mars are you reading this now??? I'm really grateful for you as a friend thank you so much for listening to me and giving me advice! And you're really convincing and encouraging, really a friend in need. ARE YOU READING THIS I LOVE YOUUU! :))) We must meet up soon okay! I know my schedule already!
Oh and I thank God that I am getting better at letting go... I think what another sister in Christ said is very true. If I love more, and focus on God more, I spend less of myself thinking and reflecting on past issues. I'm going to write my project serve letter now! Some of you will receive it soon!
8:53 PM
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Mission Trip (in no order haha)
I think I've found the person who I want to lose my first kiss to. His name is William, or Willy for short. I miss him already!!! I think the last four days were the happiest ones in my entire year. Seriously, I think I'm suffering from depression now. I miss the kids in Batam so, so, so badly. I am definitely going back.
I really thank God for sustaining me through the trip because I was sick almost the entire time, with my sore throat, running nose, and fever on and off. Everyone was very understanding and kind, especially Felicia, Joyce, Sarah and Derek who provided me with an endless supply of panadol and other medication, and even Boon Jin who practically ordered me to lie down and sleep, much to my dismay.
I was the pianist for singspiration, and I really think that I'm the happiest when I'm playing for kids. Because even though the kids didn't understand english (some can barely read it and Joy to the World was our theme song?!), they did all the actions with such gusto and sang the best they could. I'm really always so amazed by how children can sing with all their hearts. OH and they have a coool piano there! It's so out of tune, its out of tune by a whole semitone! Whee! I had so much fun playing it and all my songs came out in a different key from what I expected!!! And Boon Jin is really really really really really good pianist ahh envyyyyy.
Oh I must talk about this song that they sang! It's called "Telephone to Jesus" and it starts with the kids saying "Ringring! Ringring!" then they pick up the imaginary phone and sing "Telephone to Jesus" four times, before pausing and saying HELLO! It's too cute for words!!! Then the next stanza is "Jesus says I love you" hahahaha Imagine Jesus calling you to say he loves you!
Another fun song was "Stand up and shout" because we were having so much fun coming up with the random actions for it! Qiu Ying has a really good voice, like with natural vibrations! We had stand up and shout, sit down and whisper, and hi-five your friend! I think the kids love it really! And when you ask them whether they love Jesus.. something like "cinta Yesus?" they all put up their hands!!!
We also performed a skit about the nativity story; I was one of the magus. Mary(QiuYing) had to appear pregnant on the stage, then quickly un-pregnant herself and place her baby (jacket stuffed under her shirt) into the manger. Hahaha. The kids were not fooled.
Sarah and I were in charge of music enrichment, which included singing and teaching of recorder playing, especially with their presentation tomorrow! The primary 1-3 kids were simply adorableeeeee, but the moment we handed out recorders it was utter chaos. I found myself shouting "Diam" and "Jengan Tube" in an attempt to control the class, which often did not work... but they look TOO CUTE BLOWING THE RECORDERS AS HARD AS THEY CAN. I often left the class with the sound of recorders ringing in my ears. The primary 4-6 kids were of course much better, though our attempts at canon were mostly driven by competitive spirit so any sort of harmony was of course abandoned. The girls, who were more musically inclined, could play "Jesus loves me", while the boys were relegated to "Mary had a little lamb" I miss scolding them, chiding the boys for blowing when I was talking, laughing at them when their recorders squeaked despite their best attempts to control their breaths. ANd Sarah and I have formed a fanclub for Kevin - WHO IS A HAMSTER DISGUISED AS A BOY - too cute for words!!! His friends have started calling him mouseboy haha oh dear.
Together with Nat, I took several girls for discussion about Bridge to Life - Sally, NorthAuntie (it's not spelt this way but I pronounce it like that), Lifiliah, Christine (incredibly exotic looking) and Siska. I was speaking to them in broken Indonesian and Chinese and much pointing before the teacher informed me that they could understand basic english haha. They are all Christians, but some like Sally are from non-Christian families so it's great that their parents allow them to come to church! I wish I had more time to talk to them about the bible.
When we visited the orphanage the church supported, Sarah and I were super pleased with their immediate success at playing the recorders, which was mostly because they were older I think. The visit was really enjoyable, especially the games and our skit, because it was initially aimed at the younger kids in church haha. EVeryone enjoys SPLAT hahahaha I think I screamed into the poor boy's ears beside me eeks. Apologised to him afterwards heh "Maaf"
The last day, we did a detour to the shelter home, where Willy, whose parents are divorced, dragged me into his room to show me where he sleeps! He shares a lower bunk with Junta, but later Raphael said that the room stank because the older boy smokes - which I apparently failed to detect because of my blocked nose! Kezia, an extremely adorable girl, but of course, quite spoiled, demands that we take pictures with her haha. Sometimes I pretend to not understand her. :p They performed this really cuteeee song that had them hopping to their left and their right together!!!! They live in a really village-like area, but thank God that the home is quite well equipped and all. But sometimes when I play with the kids, I find it difficult to believe that they are orphans, or missing one parent, because they are always smiling and having fun, which is more than what I can say for others.
OH I LOVE HOW KIDS CAN HAVE SO MUCH FUN AT JUST SCISSORS PAPER STONE. It's too incredibly mind-boggling. They queue up in two lines and take turns to play scissors paper stone with each other and all the mission troopers were simply amazed at how much they enjoyed themselves at such a simple game that we joined them and had so much fun too! It was one of our impromptu mass games. They love SPLAT too. Hahaha. I think they can play it all day.
Devotions were led by Derek and Sherlyn, which were more like mini sermons really. Heh. Derek talked about having a vision (Jonah) that is aligned with God's vision, and single-mindedness to that vision (Jeremiah) The lesson was good, and I liked the questions raised which included why the book of Jonah does not reveal the outcome of Jonah. Sherlyn talked about denying self, taking up the cross and following Jesus, and Boon Jin of course, being the usual difficult person during discussion, cited it as a lofty aim. We hear it very often, but as to whether it impacts of transforms our lives is another matter altogether. I wonder how Project Serve is going to shape my life and my mindset ho ho ho.
Craving a cheeseburger. Now!
10:50 PM
Friday, December 25, 2009
I just wanna be a sheep
I just wanna be a sheep
So I can follow my shepherd
Wherever he goes, his path my feet will tread
Step by step up the hills
Past quiet waters and pastures
His rod and staff, they comfort me
I am his sheep
And the Lord is my shepherd
Now if I were a sheep
I could creep into that stable
That special one with that special star
For the birth of that special babe
Just maybe I could snuggle
Beside him whilst he slumber
Oh what an honour it would be
To rest my head at my Saviour's feet
But I am not a sheep
God didn't make me one
He made me in his image instead
To live my life out as His child
To love, to cry, to rejoice
To feel as He does
And then join Him in heaven
Where I can truly be a sheep to my shepherd
9:35 PM
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I don't know how to love anymore.
How do I love if I'm the only one loving?
10:34 PM
Monday, November 30, 2009
My hiccups are amazing. They are incredibly powerful, causing me to emit a high-pitched yelp, which exhausts me utterly. I AM STILL HICCUPING oh helpppp!!! My hiccups are rare but when they come they refuse to go away -.- And they make me pant afterward. sigh.
My dad: Veraaa (in exasperation)
Me: I can't help it!!! *hiccup*
Oh i got my dress already fishy!!! Bernice and Ellie helped me : ) loves. All the best looking for yours!!! YOu'll look nice in anything la. I can try on thirteen million dresses and still not find my dream dress - which must have sleeves and is the most romantic shade of cosmopolitan berry or dark turquoise. Hahaha.
Just played badminton with my pet! :D And I kind of learnt how to pick up shuttles using my racquet. Ho ho ho. Tomorrow playing again!!! I shall try my best to get out of swimming!
I feel tired just thinking about everything that's coming up! But I'm excited at the same time!!! Camp, prom (during which I shall be sunburnt and pimpled), hongkong (everyone is going hongkong! deborah hannah yien yiling rachel jillian), lessons of carols, everything!!! Ahahahaha this period is very very very fun indeed! Dear God please help me to glorify you in everything I do...
I'm still hiccuping at the end of this post. And ernest is starting to imitate me. How annoyinggggggggg haha
11:41 PM