La Musique

Thursday, May 21, 2009

"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends" ~ John 15:13

Staying home sick two days in a row has given me time to do whatever I want - unfortunately I've been sleeping most of it off. Sleeping, waking up when I can't breathe, tumbling back to sleep, dreaming, reading roald dahl, and drifting off to sleep again. I blame the pills. (which I haven't been taking very consistently anyway)

I wanted to blog about this a few days ago, especially after talking to Rachel Teo/Chng about it. It was really nice to be able to talk about the Christian perspective of relationships with a fellow classmate. Hmmm. : ) It led me to think about how I treat others. I used to be able to like everyone. It came naturally - I do not see the bad side of others often I guess - especially in MGS, it was really easy to love everyone. And then I came to JC, and I found people that I sometimes wished I had never met. And yet I know God says I still must love everyone equally. And I must love with the Love of Christ, God's ultimate expression of Love. How can I ever ever ever live up to such standards?

This year marked another year of change for me. I found myself able to love and hate to a greater degree, a deeper understanding and defining of my relationships with others. No more just like/dislike, there's love, and hate, a love that hurts me yet I still cling to it, a hate that I try desperately to curb and force into the shape of tolerance. I have a really bad side to me. When I'm hurt, my first reaction is to hurt back, to force the same kind of pain onto the party who inflicted me with this hurt. I'm always convinced I hurt more than the other, which I know is not the case sometimes. Oh wells. To love is to hurt. That is very, very, very painfully true.

And then I must remember I hurt others too. Unknowingly, or knowingly, I'm probably guilty of both. I had thought that I was quite sensitive to feelings, yet there can be such complexity and depth to a person's emotional state that I will never be able to just love someone without hurting them. I don't think Christ hurt people when He Loved them... His Love was something that transcended human understanding, part of a greater Love that mapped the heavens and earth, that shaped the future of each individual.

I really want to love with the Love of Christ. And regarding bgr relationships, I really am in no position to enter one now. When I do, it will (hopefully) be for life, when I can love with an unselfish love, an unconditional love, the Love of Christ.

Then there's the definition of love. Every 'love' that I have used in this post - I refer to my weak, temporal, selfish form of love. Does loving someone mean to treat them nicely? To want the best for them? To always be mindful of their feelings? Love seems like such a complicated issue - yet God defined it in a matter of 16 words, and used the sacrifice of Christ as his most powerful example. I wonder how I can ever match up to that.

6:50 PM