Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Even if romance ran out of rhyme...
WA. So many things happened in Project Serve I don't have the energy to blog about it. Everyone's falling sick!!! Please get wellll okay!!! People like Airika, YuenTeng... *I got sent home on Monday* : ((( This week is so long! ANd so busy! In a good way I guess...
Hellllo brother! Are you doing okay over there? I wonder if you got my smses.. haha. COme back sooon! >.<
I want to hide out at the library for an entire day and just read.
I want to take a picnic mat and spread it out on some grassy patch and star/cloud-gaze.
I would very much like a huggg<3
10:30 PM
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Hi Joyce.
I feel a bit self-conscious blogging now because I know you'll read it haha. I thought about what you said. About mature love. And came to the conclusion that I must still be a child. I'm sure you know, that when you love too easily, you hurt easily too. And it happens time and time again, until I begin to dread loving. I wonder if my love changes everytime. It may shrink a little after every betrayal, curl up on itself in the face of disappointment, or perhaps lower itself when it hopes too high. And after every time I tell myself it's the last time that I'll ever love so much, and I know that I'm lying to myself. It's difficult to let go, but I'm learning.
I wonder how God feels... loving us with his amazing and unconditional love, while there are some of us who do not love him, some of us who try to love him, some who betray him repeatedly, hurt him, make him angry and disappointed, some who even pretend he does not exist. Are we any different from the Israelites, turning away from him even after being chosen by his grace?
Honestly it seems easier to love God than the people around us. It hurts less at least. It may be a different kind of love I suppose - between creation and its Creator, the love of a family, the love between best friends.
I don't want to love anymore Joyce. : ( But I know its a lie. I'll just fall in love and in love and in love every single stupid time. Maybe I'll tie a lifeline around myself so that I don't fall too hard and too deeply, till the point I cannot climb out of this pit lined with roses. I may attach this line to God, so that if one day my heart is in my pocket, cold and impenetratable, God's love will burn a slow fire and warm it again so that my heart will hurt and begin to love again.
9:29 PM
Thursday, January 7, 2010
A wasted life is one when it is not fully lived as designed and intended by God.
An unwasted life is a life that has been given over to God's purpose and bears much fruit for the kingdom of God.
Project Serve kind of officially started today after the camp! : ) It's so exciting! Thinking of ways to share the gospel is kinda scary but I can't help but feel a sense of anticipation and eagerness. Which might slide into despair after the actual carrying out but I can't help but feel hopeful! And I like working with my peers like Airika, Joyce, Christine, Angeline, Jason, Raphael, Nat, BJ (even though she spells doom for me still) It's like I've found an environment where I can be completely at ease in. Having people around you that share the same values and vision is really inspiring because we all know that we're not alone in this race!
Oh and I must testify to God's goodness! Last night, I was praying for someone to talk to, because something happened during camp that really distressed me... I was struggling trying to distinguish between right and wrong. AND THANK GOD MARISSA YEE CALLED. I love you loads man! I got such a shock when I saw the caller id on my phone show up "Marissa's house" And it's really amazing because I haven't spoken to her in like one and a half months and she suddenly randomly calls me up! Catching up with her was really niceee Mars are you reading this now??? I'm really grateful for you as a friend thank you so much for listening to me and giving me advice! And you're really convincing and encouraging, really a friend in need. ARE YOU READING THIS I LOVE YOUUU! :))) We must meet up soon okay! I know my schedule already!
Oh and I thank God that I am getting better at letting go... I think what another sister in Christ said is very true. If I love more, and focus on God more, I spend less of myself thinking and reflecting on past issues. I'm going to write my project serve letter now! Some of you will receive it soon!
8:53 PM